Saturday, August 23, 2014

A New Beginning

The last year has been a time of a lot of transitions for me, but I think at last I'm settling into a new pattern. I've gone through grad school, earned my credential as a teacher, and will be starting as an English Teacher at Prospect High School in Pleasant Hill, California in two days. At last, I feel like things are coming together.

Something I've noticed in the past is that when my life is stable I'm a lot more psychologically prepared to keep up with my writing. Though I thought I would be too busy and stressed to write once the school year started, I actually feel, if anything, even more excited and ready to write. We'll see how well this holds up as the school year gets rolling, but I have a good feeling about the next few months.

So what am I up to? I've been silent for a long time, and that's mostly because I've been A) in grad school and B) focusing on actually writing with whatever time I have rather than maintaining the blog.

What I'm up to is a lot of the same things I was up to this time last year, to be honest, I'm just farther along on them. I tried to do too many things at once, so progress has been slow on each of them. At this point, I'm thinking I might try to focus on one at a time, knock them out, and then be able to give the next one my full attention each time.

Here's the things coming up from me:

The Good, the Bad, and the Undead: A little over a year ago, I was fortunate enough to land in a collaboration with Jamie Thomson (of Fabled Lands and The Dark Lord fame) on a western-horror interactive novel called "The Good, the Bad and the Undead." Think Clint Eastwood meets Night of the Living Dead. It was originally an idea of Jamie's, but I took it and did some major revisioning, with his support and approval. I've taken point on actually writing it up, in fits and spurts through the year of grad school, between other projects, and more steadily over the last summer. Now, we're reaching the point where the end is in sight. Together with the Fabled Lands guys, we will run a Kickstarter campaign sometime coming up soon to fund the artwork and printing to get this project in print. By this time next year, my book will be on shelves credited to "Ashton Saylor and Jamie Thomson," a heartwarming echo of the first gamebook I loved, "Talisman of Death," which was credited to "Mark Smith and Jamie Thomson." I could die happy.

Dwarf King: A little over two years ago, I got an email from Michael Akinde of Micabyte Systems, offering to work together to turn my Winhammer Merit Award winning short interactive story, "Peledgathol: The Last Fortress" into an Android game. After saying, "Hell yes!" we began work on it. I don't think either of us expected it to take this long, but it's not a small project, and we've kept slow but steady progress for two years on this game. At this point, as with The Good, the Bad and the Undead, the end is in sight. Or at least the alpha. It's a strategy rpg that incorporates elements of interactive fiction, strategy civilization management, and his wholly original Small Battles tactical combat system to create one of the most fully realized strategy RPG games yet released for Android. And soon it will be real, oh yes, it will be real. *cue dramatic laughter*

Shadow over Rema: Perhaps my most ambitious project (and with the two above, that's saying a lot) is the gamebook for Tin Man Games I'm still working on, Shadow over Rema. This is my dark fantasy masterpiece which will probably take years to complete. In retrospect, starting with an Epic Masterpiece was probably not the best plan, and to keep myself motivated and enthusiastic, I'm working on other things in the meantime. But once I do get there, I think it will be glorious.

At this point, I'm hoping to finish GBU by the end of this year and have an alpha for Dwarf King out by then as well. That one depends on Michael as well as me, but I at least want to have my part done. I'm probably going to be working on Dwarf King and keeping it updated, adding new content, for years to come, but that can be a source of fun side projects while working on other things. At that point, instead of taking on something new, I'd like to turn my attention fully to Shadow over Rema, and hopefully finish it, or at least be nearing the end, by the end of 2015.

There are a lot of other projects I've dreamed of or sort of have up on the back burner, for once I have time. I'd like to write more LARPs, like the Arcadian LARP, and I have several partially developed. Theatre Noir is almost completely developed, but as that is purely a solo project, I'm putting that on the back burner until I complete some of the projects I'm working on which are accountable to other people. I've got ideas for the next game which will come after Theatre Noir as well, including a fantasy RPG set in my Isles of Mist world, but that's further down the line.

Though getting started in my career as a teacher has been stressful and time-consuming, I'm still determined to pursue both careers, both education and writing, and I think I can do it. Over the next year, I think you guys will start seeing things of mine come out. I hope you like them :)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Busy Days

Hello to anyone who's still watching. Just want to give a quick update: As we all know, grad school is a busy time, and over the last month and a half I've been working on the biggest project of the year. I think I'm reaching the tail end of it, so hopefully I can get back on a regular posting schedule soon. I'll keep you guys updated!

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Review of "Gunlaw" by Nicholas Stillman

So, something I like to do once in a while is grab some friends, usually geeky types who I happen to be hanging out anyway, and read one of these aloud to them.

I made the mistake of doing that with Gunlaw, without previewing it myself first.

On the plus side, we had a hilarious time. On the downside... *sigh* I would say this is the worst gamebook I've reviewed yet, if I hadn't reviewed "The Thing That Crawls" earlier this week.

Where can I even begin? Okay, we open with a pre-apocalypic (Genre Count: 1) Western (Genre Count: 2) in which the world has gone broke, frightened masses fled the cities, and the countryside has reverted to a new Old West. Our story is set in the town of Gunlaw, which has only one law: every citizen must carry a gun.

Right.

But wait! It gets better! Our hero, Billy Joe Canfield, is on a mission to rescue children (Genre Count: 3) from Maslow, the City of Lowdown Death, which apparently is populated by gouls. (Genre Count: 4) After a long and amusing discussion about the nature of gouls and how the word should be pronounced--we settled on a Brooklyn accent--we trekked off into the car-wreck-littered countryside to rescue us some kids. A very Mad Max vibe, but we won't count that as a new genre, since Mad Max falls somewhere in between pre-apocalypse and Western, anyway.

But then Canfield runs into a terrifying apparition that appears from the shimmering horizon: a van full of hooting jocks armed with beer, wearing the jerseys of their high school in Maslow. (Genre Count: 5) The boys, and I quote, "hop from their van like monkeys off a river raft," whereupon, "One stud throws back his gelled hair and howls while crushing a full beer can in each fist." (Genre Count: wtf?)

At this point, there were howls. Oh yes, there were howls. Gales, you might even say.

Once we recovered enough to keep reading, we found the winning insult of the season, "This posse amounts to short stature diabetics with gynocomastia."

I'll let that sink in.

Next, to our dismay, Canfield accidentally shoots the jock captain in the heart, whereupon he has a "drop siezure without the siezure." Another classic line.

At this point, I became physically incapable of reading on. Fortunately, a friend stepped in to read the cheerleader's heartbreaking cries of anguish over her fallen boyfriend. Canfield, being the stalwart, upstanding guy that he is, immediately goes through the cheerleader's purse, and then requisitions her services at gunpoint to drive him into Maslow.

After some deeply confusing descriptions of the city of Maslow, Canfield, with his hostage and stolen van, starts getting pursued by police, which results in a shootout. (Genre Count: 6) To resolve the situation, he takes the only logical action he could: climbing out of the window, up onto the roof of the van. Um... as you do?

From his stable vantage point on top of the van, he nails the cop driver right in the unibrow (not even kidding) causing an accident in which all the cop torsos are kept safe by their harnesses, but all of their limbs "detach and rain over a kilometer stretch of the highway," causing Canfield to gain 1 Justice Point. Aw, yeah!

At this point, Canfield, sensing his need to escape, detaches all the clamps on the motorbike that's on top of the van with him and, in a spectacular stunt of motorcycle driving, rides the bike right off the van through a midair jump to land on the roadway and tears off to safety, tires squealing. (Genre Count: 7)

Before he's gone three paragraphs, he comes across a crying, skinny little 8 year old girl entering a suicide booth, (Genre Count: 8) who he is unable to save. He is able to blow the brains out of an unsympathetic passerby though. Because that helps.

As the cops catch up to him, a mysterious stranger offers him asylum, which Canfield accepts, because the only other option we're given is to go along with the cops quietly. Because we've apparently lost our legs and won't be able to run until they regrow.

(As a side note, no, Canfield has not actually lost his legs. I was being silly trying to explain why "running away" is not a third option in that scenario. But when I cracked that joke to my friends, summarizing what had happened, the story is wacky enough that they honestly thought I was not kidding, and that Canfield had lost his legs and was waiting for them to regrew. Just sayin')

But I digress. Going with the Employer, we find ourselves in a high-tech, white-walled room being offered a job to assassinate the mayor (Genre Count: 9), in return for which, the Employer will tell us the location of the only remaining healthy child in all of Maslow. (Implying that 8 year old from the previous scene was the second to last child in the city?) But before he's willing to hire Canfield, the employer insists Canfield try to kill him.

Yes, it's that kind of story.

Finding himself unable to kill the Employer, but still impressive enough to be hired, we take a break while switching scenes...

To a scene completely out of left field in which the Mayor of Maslow and his cronies are watching two individuals mysteriously through a one-way mirror.

One of them is a synth woman who looks, and I quote, "hotter than nukes in her miniskirt." Except for the GIANT TITANIUM FUCKING BEAK sticking out of her face! WTF? The other is a prisoner, who the synth woman proceeds to seduce and then STAB IN THE FACE WITH HER BEAK AT 20 PECKS PER SECOND OMG AAAAAAAAAAH (Genre Count 10)

Incidentally, the author did his homework. 20 pecks per second is exactly the rate at which a woodpecker pecks. Scariest fucking woodpecker I've ever seen...

Somehow intuiting, perhaps from the trail of bodies Canfield has left behind him, that Canfield doesn't kill women, the Mayor's plan is to use the hot-as-nukes female synth assassin to kill Canfield. Let's just hope the bloody titatium beak doesn't give it away.

Canfield, needing to kill some time before killing the Mayor, shoots his way into an elementary school to find some kids to rescue. There we come across fifty morbidly obese children who have all had their legs amputated at birth reciting their times tables in a droning voice (Genre Count 11) What genre that is, I have no idea, but it's definitely a new one.

After shooting up the school a bit, during which all the children vanish in their motorized chairs, Canfield gets the mysterious choice to either punch the principal, or refuse to use unnecessary violence.

Now? After all this? Now we get to choose, "Canfield walks away, refusing to use unnecessary violence?"

For the sake of the excessive and unnecessary length this review is growing to, I'll abridge the rest, but his future enemies include the Neckbeard Gang (they don't last long), a homicidal 600 pound sumo ninja in a tight yellow jumpsuit sporting dual uzis who calls himself Gus (he lasts only slightly longer), a cop in a wheelchair (who Canfield rides like a pony until he dies), the black-armored Bulldog the Headhunter (who runs away squealing after Canfield shoots his thumb off), an apartment complex full of boy bands (who die in a fire after Canfield burns the building down), the beak-nosed synth assassin woman (who loses both hands to Canfield's gun when he instantly recognizes her murderous intent behind the innocent veneer of GIANT FUCKING TITANIUM BEAK), a crowd of stampeding shoppers who have been convinced Canfield is holding some coupons, (who Canfield tricks into practicing sword-swallowing while riding lawn tractors... to predictable results), Mayor Dunlop and his cronies (of whom, Canfield shoots all the males), a lynch mob gathered by tweet, (who Canfield burns in a diesel fire).

Eventually, after much violence and some breaking of the fourth wall, Canfield escapes Maslow empty-handed, having failed to save any children at all. Good job, Canfield.


Total Score: ??/25


Opening
2/5
Okay, I'm not sure how to rate this with a straight face, and the experience was completely transformed by reading it aloud with friends. Eventually it became clear the whole thing was intended to be tongue-in-cheek, but I think it would have been stronger if it had acknowledged that up-front. We still thought we were dealing with a straight shooter (so to speak) right up to the time my friends gave up, leaving me alone with the rest.

But the opening was pretty good. Before it becomes clear how completely apeshit this entire book is. It presents what appears to be a compelling setting and simple, excellent rules.

That said, I'm marking it down pretty heavily for not accurately representing the book to come. I don't know if Stillman started out writing this in earnest, and lost patience and went a little nuts halfway through, or if he always intended it to be a bit comedic, but either way, the book as a whole suffers from the fact that the tone isn't made clear right at the beginning. It would have avoided a lot of "what the actual fuck!?" moments if we'd realized from the beginning that that was intentional.


Flow
2/5
The rules were good--neither too light nor too heavy--so that's an up mark in this category, but the choices you make rarely have anything to do with the results you get. That's problematic.

I don't see much by way of underlying narrative structure. Mostly it seems to be an excuse to whisk the reader from one absolutely insane adventure to the other.


Writing
Moo/5
Ah... what can I say? I have no idea how to grade this.

To be fair, while reading it aloud with my friends... it was awful. Like, genuinely, I don't think I've ever read alout anything as bad.

But also, to be fair, it had us in stitches. We were dying laughing. So if that was the intent, and I'm starting to be more of the opinion that it was, then he succeeded.

An old GM of mine used to play a game with us, where we could ask any question we liked. There were four possible answers: "Yes," "No," "There's one way to find out," and "Moo."

"Moo," was reserved for questions that have no possible answer, questions that are phrased so poorly or so disconnected from reality that they leave the entire concept of "question" long behind.

Moo.

Story
1/5
I can't mince words about it too much... this story was awful. A preternaturally skilled cowboy venturing into a hyper-tech dystopian city to rescue children while gunning his way in a bloody swatch through the semi-innocent populace?

I suppose a good story could have been written that would have things in common to this, but... the specifics of what happens are so completely batshit insane that I just can't find redeeming virtues. Nothing in the entire book was plausible. Not even one thing. The only hesitation I have is that, well, we had a GREAT time! Which leads us to...

Secret Sauce
5/5
Any specific thing that you look at in this book is largely terrible, especially if you take it straight at face value. If you don't look at this as a comedy, it could be siezure-inducing due to the sheer WTFness of it.

But the fact is, reading this aloud was one of the must fun things I did that day with my friends, and we did a lot of fun things. We had a blast. We were dying with laughter from left to right. We felt bad at the time, that we were laughing so much at this, but later, finishing it on my own, I realized that we're not laughing at the author; we're laughing with him!

This was never intended to be delivered straight. It's a comedy, and as a comedy, it was incredibly successful. Thanks to the author for a wonderful afternoon.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Small Talk, the RPG

I'm going to interrupt my regularly scheduled programming to give a nod to this brilliant little game I found posted on http://norwegianstyle.wordpress.com/

Enjoy :)



SMALL TALK THE RPG

A conversational role playing game for 1-∞ players.
Characters: The player’s play themselves, so there’s no particular character set-up process.
Small talk is a game of conversation for its own sake. It’s a collaborative game. The reward is opening for deeper conversations, affirming relationships and avoiding silence.
It’s good practice to play the game with new acquaintances.
The game can last as short as a casual greeting or as long as it takes to get your hair cut at the hairdresser’s. Or the length of a taxi ride, as the case may be.
Some rules:
* Greet the other players in a friendly way.
* Try to keep the conversation upbeat and positive.
* Casual compliments are ok, but keep it superficial. Don’t get creepy.
* Try out some casual eye contact now and then, but don’t stare.
* Smile.
* Respect the other player’s personal space.
* Be polite and respectful.
* Find common ground. Be politely inquiring about the other player’s interests, and see if you can find some topic of conversation that will interest you both. Or that you can endure listening to.
* Ask open-ended follow-up questions starting with words like «how…» and «what…». Or make relevant statements.
* Share some stuff about yourself and your day, but don’t over-share. Don’t get into symptoms, diseases, sensitive subjects and extreme negativity.
* It’s ok to bitch and complain as long as you don’t do it about sensitive topics. The weather is a very good topic of conversation.
* Notice your surroundings. You can riff off of them for further conversational topics.
* Avoid sensitive subjects like religion, politics and sex. You can also drop death, divorce and diseases. You know what I mean.
* Humor is good. Just remember the taboo topics.
You can even play the game without anyone knowing you’re playing a game.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Review of "The Thing that Crawls," by Matthew R. Webber

Today I'll be reviewing (to the extent of my abilities) Matthew R. Webber's "The Thing that Crawls."

I hate to say it, but this was one of the few entries that I did not give a complete play-through to, for the simple reason that I quite literally could not. After wading through an intriguing, but long, cumbersome, and frequently confusing set of rules and character creation options, I dove into the text itself for a practice swim before tackling character creation in earnest.

Once I got in, I realized that the game is so riddled with typos that it is quite literally impossible to play. After my very first choice, at a T-intersection in some dungeon, (I pretended my Luck was 3), I was directed to a scene where I was suddenly and quite mysteriously drinking some strange milk and experiencing euphoria from it. And to boot, the paragraph had typos (or possibly simple grammatical errors) so extreme that some of the sentences were nigh-incomprehensible.

I made an earnest effort to recover. I did. Anyone can have a mislabeled link. It happens to the best of us. So I went back, pretended my luck was 2 instead of 3 in order to take a different path, skimmed over a fight with a feisty ficus, and then tried going East. There, at my next Luck option (less than 4 now) I found myself inexplicably going to a scene in which I found myself pushing over a statue. What statue? Where from? Huh?

Since I had poked around a bit from the milk, previously, I was able to recognize this as the same statue said euphoric milk was leaking from. I had been given an option, in section 100, to push over that statue--which, to my consternation, was lacking a link number :/ It just says, "Push on the statue? Go to" and then nothing.

While I was amused that I wound up, by an altogether unforeseen and circuitous route consisting of entirely unrelated errors in linkage, back at the statue pushing scene I'd tried to get to originally, that cemented my conviction that the gamebook is, in fact, unplayable as written. Sorry M. R. Webber.

Total Score: 8/25


Opening
2/5
The rules are intriguing--I could see being really interested in them if this were a longer game. But Windhammer is about "short gamebooks." The scope of this competition is such that rules need to be tight, compact, and streamlined, which this ruleset is anything but.

Also, he opens with the rules, which in my opinion, is always a bad idea. For the sake of the new-to-gamebooks friendly who we all hope will be reading these, I strongly encourage all gamebook authors to open with some story, some narrative or history, or something to draw the reader in. And if the rules are longer than a page, try and tuck them in an appendix or something. While there are those of us who enjoy character creation, as a rule of thumb you generally want to put as few barriers between the reader and the story as possible.

The actual opening of the narrative was probably the best part, and... that's not saying much. I admit to some curiousity about the mysterious cave, and I found myself amused by the hapless dwarven miners, but I'm afraid we'll never get to know how much potential this gamebook actually had.


Flow
1/5
I want to make it clear that this low score is not a reflection of what could have been, but of what is. As I said above, this system might be fun in a longer format--if it were clearly explained and attached to a functional gamebook.

As it is, it's too long and complex, punctured by the occasional grammatical inconsistency that throws uncertainty on the intended meaning, and I couldn't apply it even if I wanted to.

But the real reason this gets such a low score is because of all the link errors making the game literally unplayable. That's what in the driving test world they call a "Critical Error." (I failed my first attempt at the driving test due to one of those--totally unfairly, I might add!)


Writing
2/5
I have to admit that I see a certain potential in the writing; I found the introduction intriguing, and there's some real creativity that's gone into the system, even if it didn't quite completely manifest into a usable form. But the writing is mostly damaged by errors and inconsistencies. Even when it's not critical, technical errors, like missing links, the writing just often has a certain impreciseness that is highly detrimental.

For example, in section 98, with the erroneous (and euphoric!) milk, the text reads, "As you scoop handful after handful (of the milk) to your mouth, a feeling of euphoria overwhelms you. All wounds are healed, your virginity is restored and all diseases are cured. If not, the healing powers of the milk are so powerful that all Damage points are restored, you even gain an extra one!"

This showcases the best and worst of Webber's writing. The line about virginity being restored is hilarious. If absent of errors and consistently peppered with that kind of humor, this book could be amazing. But... what is that "if not" doing in the second sentence? In fact, what is that second sentence even trying to say?

Sadly, the writing is full of little errors like that. And the fact that they're severe enough to impact meaning is pretty bad. This is why God invented editors.


Story
1/5
I'm giving this a one only because, with all the errors, I couldn't get to the story. If the gamebook did not give me a story, it gets a one. Maybe it could have been better! Maybe the story was actually brilliant! We'll never know. One.


Secret Sauce
2/5
I'm actually going to give this a very slight nod here. I think, absent errors, it would have potential. That brings it up to a two. But the fact that the gamebook is literally unplayable necessitates that overall, I give it one of the lowest scores I've ever given out.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Review of "The Independence Job," by Marty Runyon

Alright guys, time for my next review. Sorry for the delays; I've got them all outlined, but I still need to type them up as I go along--a task which sometimes gets interrupted by life. But they'll trickle out.

Anyway, this review is of "The Independence Job" by Marty Runyon.

When I picked up "The Independence Job," I was initially quite pleased, mostly because some crime hijinx sounded like a great change of pace. I ended up enjoying it, but not as much as I expected to. I really like a lot of the mechanics that were used, especially a way of tracking relationships with points. But the fact that these points were obfuscated by calling them "red points" instead of "Dorothy approval points" or something, did nothing to help me emotionally connect with the characters. In fact, the characters felt like cardboard cutouts. I liked that their emotions toward you were modeled, but at no point did their emotions feel real, not even in the models.

As for the crime itself, it was notable mostly in that it did a pretty good job of making the "game" side of it solid. The story side, once again, came in a bit lackluster. But I talk about all that below.

All in all, I felt that The Independence job skillfully avoids either the extremes of excellence or putritude, coming in solidly middle of the line.

Total Score: 15/25


Opening
4/5
The opening to "The Independence Job" definitely piqued my interest. I like the dirty crime genre, the rules are short and sweet, the "Introduction" section is short enough to not be overly labored, yet substantial enough to give you a clear idea what to expect. I only wish the story had lived up to the promise.

I was also pleased by his, "A Word About Sex," making it clear that you are free to envision the main character as either male or female. Although, I think using the word, "gender" there may have been more appropriate, since gender refers to identity and sex refers strictly and only to biology. Strictly speaking, what he's written could be correct, but I think, "A Word About Gender," may have been more true to his meaning.


Flow
4/5
I actually think the flow here is one of the strongest parts, though not perfect. Generally, your decisions are meaningful. I like the wager system, although I felt it was only slightly flawed in that having more Fortune points doesn't actually help you in game--since wagering more /decreases/ your chance of winning. But it gets you a better result at the end, so that's fine. And he did a good job of making sure all the skills could be used.

The most interesting part was also it's weak point, which is the whole "Red, Blue, Green" points part. If you haven't played it yet--well, if you haven't played it yet and you want to, stop reading and go do it because spoilers lie ahead. Otherwise, as a reminder for the rest of us: as you go through the game, you can earn red, green or blue points. Turns out these represent how much the different characters hate you. I was amused to discover that no, there is not any way of making them like you again. That is a one way street!

This is cool because the various decisions you make and how you relate to the other characters affects how the story ends. But once you grasp what's going on, it's a pretty simple model that doesn't really support much replayability. And more importantly, I don't really feel that it's supported by the story. But it's a cool twist for your first play-through.


Writing
2/5
When I read the first line of Chapter One, "The windows are wide open, trying to catch an evening breeze off the Hudson," I thought, damn, son, that's some good writing. I'm looking forward to reading this piece!

Then I made the mistake of reading the second line, "Your apartment is an oven, and you are the turkey."

Umm....

That doesn't even earn the trophy for wierdest line of the season (that dubious distinction might go to next week's review, "Gunlaw") but it's certainly in the running. And sadly, the juxtaposition of those two lines is exemplary of this piece. There's really sharp, crisp, fantastic writing abruptly adjacent to cliche drivel, and it's hard to tell what to expect from one paragraph to the next.

I was also dismayed to find a couple of typos. Not that big a deal, but another round of editing may have been desirable. And if that editor were looking not just for typos, but for cliches, that would have been even better.

Story
2/5
The story is the weakest part of "The Independence Job." While I like the crime genre, this incarnation of it doesn't do anything to take it above and beyond the cliche. I love that relationships with the other characters are built into the game mechanics, but it falls a little flat because the characters are all so bland. It doesn't really feel like you're offending another person. You just occasionally get told to take a point. The relationship is modeled, but you don't really feel it, as the reader.

That blandness extends beyond the characters to the rest of the world as well. The heist tastes like flat beer, without the vivid details that would make it come to life, without the tension that would put the reader on the edge of the seat. It just feels like the whole thing is drawn in two dimensional greyscale.

I've been reading McKee lately, and he says that cliche comes about when an author does not fully realize their own world. When an author does not create, explore and enliven their own vision enough, then when they come upon some part of the world they haven't created anew for themselves, they'll reach into their memory and grab it from somewhere else. I think "Independence Job" may be suffering from that fate.

That said, I'm not giving it a one, mostly because it does do some clever things with the ending, and I like how well the story and game mechanics are twined together, supporting one another.

Secret Sauce
3/5
For me, this comes in middle of the road. It stands out as exceptional in some areas, with a solid narrative framework, reasonably good choice structure and great mechanics--especially the whole relationship points thing. But in other ways it really falls flat, with some hit or miss writing and a flat, lackluster story that fails to get the reader's emotional investment.  I like it, but it wouldn't be at the top of my list for this season.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Review of "The Experiment" by Kieran Coghlan

I've been following Kieran's work with interest for years now, and it's interesting seeing how it's changed over that time. I remember in... 2009 or something, speculating with my girlfriend at the time that he must be a psychology student, given the nature of his fantastic entry, "Waiting for the Light." Now, four years later, I'm reading the vivid descriptions of the carpeted corridors and potted plants of a psychologists office, and can't help but wonder if this is a reflection of the changes in his own life. Has he moved out of the lecture hall into the office? Are these carpeted corridors and potted plants borrowed from his own life?

Speculation aside, "The Experiment" is a brief, but intriguing little piece. I suspect (and he even acknowledges) that he didn't have a lot of time to do a full entry this year. Indeed, "The Experiment" is almost, well, literally an experiment, rather than an actual, full gamebook, with only 24 sections, at an average of less than 100 words each. It's short. Really short. But it's doing something with what it is, and if it is an experiment, I'd say it's successful.

Total Score: 11/25


Opening
2/5

The opening is nice and brief, but that's about the best thing that can be said for it. It doesn't, all said, give you much reason for investing. It doesn't hook you, you might say. Instead, it relies on the natural curiousity of the reader to propel said reader forward.

On the plus side, it doesn't promise much to let you down on, later!


Flow
2/5

The choices are weak, and don't really bring about many consequences, other than mildly affecting the dialogue you end up getting. And there's no "game" mechanics at all. While I don't consider mechanics necessary (or rather, I consider player choice to BE the primary game mechanic) he just doesn't do a whole lot with the choices. Still, it's not one, because what little choice is there is actually the meat of the gamebook :)


Writing
3/5

Coghlan is a talented writer, and the places where he stretches his legs are worth it. The few places. All in all, this suffers from obviously not having had a lot of time invested in it. Many of the paragraph sections are barely a line or two long. There's just not much to sink your teeth in to.


Story
3/5

I'm giving this as much as a 3 because it has the little twist at the end, which does raise some interesting questions. The whole thing seems to be a delivery method for the one essential question... much the way that fries are a delivery method for salt.

There's no story to speak of otherwise, but the twist and the essential question at the end (which I won't spoil here) are enough to bring it up to at least a 3.


Secret Sauce
1/5

Nope. Nope nope nope. Sorry. Look, it's a neat gimmick, but that's all that this is. I can't give it a high score in earnest when it's competing against other entries that bring so much more to the table.

And to be fair, this is nothing against Coghlan. I know he can do better--he even demonstrates his ability in flickers in "The Experiment"--but he just didn't have time to do a proper entry, and that's fine.